We received an obviously irresponsible submission from our favorite 200 year old general. submission like this should never be tried in real life and are here for educational and entertainment only. It is posted here only for use during a zombie apocalypse or robot revolt…
“Every engine requires clean air to breath just like you or me. Because Mother Nature hates machines as much as you and I do, she made sand and dirt so it will damage engines. Pulling the air filter makes all kinds of fun expensive stuff happen inside the engine that the people who made it think is bad. Pulling the filter is fast, it doesn’t really make any noise or draw attention like lighting the thing on fire, No nasty chemicals escape as the engine is destroyed, It doesn’t cause damage that will hurt someone, and nothing tells the machine or the operator the filter is missing. Expect to find 2 filters, one inside another on almost all heavy equipment.
The lid, about the size of a record, is usually held on with metal clips. Use a knife, multi tool or stick to pop the clips open, sometimes they will pop open fast and break skin. ,
After you remove the filter there are a few options:
1. Take the filter and put the lid back on. Congratulations the machine will suck in dirt and sand and the engine will get “dusted” The warranty is void and the company is on the hook for a lot of repairs that will take at least a week to fix. If you get caught, Filters are under 500 bucks so it is probably a misdemeanor unless you hike with some monkey wrench shit on Bad part, about this method, it takes a little bit and things are still getting destroyed
2. Take the filter and put pebbles down the hole you find. Hurray the rocks broke the turbo and cost a lot of money the machine is down, you stopped it!!!! You can put the filter back the rocks will do the work for you. Damage happens when the machine is started. Bad part turbos take a day or two to fix though, but they do cost a few thousand dollars, Insurance might cover the damage
3. Put water down the hole you left when the filter was removed, The pistons will fill with a few gallons of water and hopefully the engine gets a lot of damage. Machine will stop, it will not start again for a while. .. Don’t drink from jugs you use and you should be using gloves anyway. If you don’t want to take the filter you can put it back the water will do the work. Bad part, not everyone has access to a lot of water and it is way to heavy to hike in. Insurance might cover the damage if you are obvious.
Put the cover on, the big gaping hole is pretty obvious to most people operating machines. Don’t travel around with the filter, If you go for option one bury it or hide it in the bushes far away It is against the rules to leave forensic evidence during night work. Nothing I have written here has any real chance of hurting someone.
Don’t get caught,