seems the hootenanny is back with AK press and it is about time.  for those of you who are low on funds though, there is a PDF version some friends scanned in a while ago.

it is 70 MB so sorry dial up friends this one will be a little while coming.




A tactical analysis of certain yellow earth killing machines.

A certain 200 year old crack pot we know and love was cleaning out the reading material in his outhouse and came across something that got submitted to the Journal back about a decade ago, This is a portion of the unedited 25th anniversary edition Dear Ned Ludd,  It is almost 10 years old, access points, ect. have most likely changed on newer models. Needless to say, this is only for entertainment and archival purposes and we would rather not have you do crazy stuff, esp on pipelines or similar projects.  If however you need to destroy a machine at a mall entrance to protect yourself from zombies….

“D-series Dozers

The D series caterpillar is found in numerous configurations from the pickup size 16,227 lb D-3 to the house size 230,100lb D-11.  Known as track type tractors, 95% of the D-series, except the hydraulic driven D3 & D5, have a mechanically powered drive train, i.e. a drive shaft is connected to the engine and shafts turn the track.  You can tell this type of drive train from the triangular track shape.  The large wheel found at the top of the triangle is know as the final drive, filled with 5 gallons of oil on a D-8 this is final point of gear reduction.  On the D-10 pictured (Not included) to the right, each final drive costs over $40,000.  There is no sensor to monitor the drives, and the oil is accessible with a 3/4 inch ratchet. Smaller plugs may be 1/2 inch or hex sockets, Individual machine models might get profiled later.

The transmission is located at the very rear of the machine and is difficult to access.  The fluid fill point is typically located on the right side of the engine compartment.  The transmission on the D-10 is $73,000.  Damaging the sum of the parts is often more expensive than the entire machine when labor is factored in.  This is true for most equipment.

The engine on the D series is sunk low in the front, and 75% of it is inaccessible without removing plates.  The vented openings do allow you access to the air filter and top of the engine.  On larger variants, there is not only enough room to crawl on top of the engine, but even to close the door (not necessarily a smart idea if working alone, however).  Look for the large can near the operator’s station.  The side that has no tube running from it will allow access to the filter.  D-10’s and D-11’s have 2 filters.

Air intakes on smaller D-series go direct, via the turbo, into the intake manifold.  The filter is typically located on the left “passenger side” of the vehicle.  On newer D-8’s and above, there is an intercooler (basically a radiator without fluid that air flows through) before the engine.  Small particles will go through it; large will not.

The undercarriage (the frame the tracks move around) is vulnerable at the pivot shaft.  There is a bump below and slightly in front of the final drives accessible with a 1/2 inch ratchet.

The fuel fill point is located either on the right side or the rear of the machine near the operator’s compartment.  Look for the symbol that looks like a gas pump with a “d” for diesel.

The hydraulic tank fill is almost always on the left side of the machine.  The cap has a small lever that must be raised in order to remove it.  It will be on tight.  Anything small enough to go through a screen will do a fair amount of damage.  On smaller track type tractors, the screen can be removed from the fill point.

Excavators come in a wide range of sizes and applications. They can range from the smallest at 3,000 lbs. to the massive 385L,  at 187,360 lbs. Mechanically, there are few differences in any excavator.  They are completely hydraulic.  The engine is always in the rear.  The pump is tied directly to the engine.  From the operator’s station you can look to your right and find the fuel and hydraulic tank on the other side of the boom.  On the medium- and larger-sized machines,  a massive weight covers the back of the machine.  Access to the engine is from the top cover or, on the large machines, from the catwalk behind the operators’ station.  See the dozer section for ideas.  The radiator, cooler and air filters are usually on the same side as the operator’s station, but this not always the case.  The rear wheels are the only ones powered on the tracked versions.  The final drive is usually accessed with a 1/2 inch drive.  Some use a 5/8 hex.  On wheeled forestry versions, there may be 4 powered wheels.

Zerts: The grease fittings are located in a cluster for the boom arm.  2 grease zerts are under the main platform at the pivot.

Operator’s station: The 2 foot pedals that are connected to sticks directly at the front window move the machine.  The 2 joysticks control the boom arm and the movement of the pivot.  If you have to move this machine (in an emergency), it has a back-up alarm in any direction.  There is a cutoff switch on the right hand control near your elbow.  Look for the switch that has a picture of a horn.  The arm that is on the other side of the left hand control must be in the down position. (On smaller machines, the actual joystick control must be lowered.)

If a boom arm is raised, never mess with the hydraulic lines.  There is more oil in the system than you can imagine. Also the raised section can fall fast if oil is released from the hoses…no dead monkey-wrenchers 


A backhoe is basically a tractor with a bucket or forks on the front and a large boom on the rear.  Backhoes are very common on most construction sites.  The engine on Cat backhoes is not really accessible, but, to make up for this, almost everything else is.  The hood release is located under the “driver” side step.  Reach directly under the lock and you will find a T-handle that pulls towards you.  If the handle won’t move, an operators key will unlock it.

All backhoes except the newest have a bat-wing hood (opens from the side).  The newest models have a hood similar to a car hood.  Most major fluid fill points and the air filter are located directly under the hood.

The differential is easily accessible from under the chassis.

The bottom of the machine has no protective plates.

The outriggers, arms that lower in the back, have a u-shaped hydraulic tube that has very little clearance when the arm is raised or lowered.  If someone pried this tube up about 1 inch from the boom, it will crimp in the guard and have to be replaced.

Small Machines

Most equipment produced by Cat has a smaller variant know as Compact Construction Equipment or CCE’s.  If there is a similar large piece of equipment, the same tactics will apply to its smaller cousin.  There are some pieces of equipment that are only produced as CCE’s.  Skid steers (bobcats) will be the most common.  The engine is the only thing easily accessed; it is located in the rear of the machine.  Skid  steers do not, at this time, have an ECM engine computer) capable of shutting the machine off for fatal faults in the system.  These machines will run until they become boat anchors.  No oil, no coolant—not a problem. A light will come on though.

Dust is the biggest enemy of this engine.  Most engines are replaced due to “dusting”  (dirt wearing away the cylinder wall).  Like all equipment Cat produces, there is no warning light that comes on if the filter is not present.  Engine replacements on small stuff typically cost $8,000.  Running the equipment without a filter voids the warranty.

The fuel tank is located on the right-hand side of the operator’s compartment just above the sill.  Dirt, rust, plastic bags, gloves, etc. will clog the fuel pump or fuel intake tube.  Due to the design of the a- and b- model machines, rust is the most fun/expensive to remove from the tank.

The hydraulic system is only vulnerable from the tank without tools.  Use only fine powder in the hydraulic tank or other fluids.  There is a fine mesh screen to keep debris out of the system.  If you can find it, brass is the best fine metal to add here.  The operator’s station will raise by removing the two  15/16 nuts and bolts recessed in the front two support pillars.  This allows access to the control valve, hydraulic hoses, and the 2 ECM’S located under the floorboard.  Messing with the hydraulics will spill a lot of oil.  The cab will raise to an undesired height, and you will cause just as much damage elsewhere without the risk.   If you absolutely have to get into the pump compartment, it is easier to remove the belly pan (S) (usually attached with 13mm bolts).  The access is very limited though.  

There is a small drain plug, 1/2 ratchet, on each side of the machine in front of the rear wheel.  This will drain the oil from the chain box (if it is a wheeled version).  There is about 2 gallons of oil per side.  Lack of oil will eventually cause the chain to brake.  (same trick works on a grader)

There is a small gap beside and behind the operator station on the left of the machine that allows one limited access to the pump compartment.  The wiring harness is typically routed here within easy reach so it can have a section removed.


A word of caution—the modern engine contains harmful chemicals that can poison wildlife, waterways, and soil.  Handle with care.  We do not encourage anyone to hurt the inner workings of our precious giant earth killing machines.  Please stay at home and buy the largest TV you can put on credit at the local Mall-Wart or rental center.

A nice Dear Ned Ludd from an EF! journal Last year

Dear Ned Ludd,

Sometimes it’s hard for me to take my mind off all the devastation and extinction and fucked-up shit that’s happening to the planet, and I can’t sleep at night because of it. I’m wondering if you could suggest anything productive (or destructive…) that I might be able to do during the small hours instead of just worrying.

Sleepless in Cyberia



The wee hours are the best time to destroy; although if you’re destroying destruction, is it really destroying? Here are some suggestions:

Let’s talk about the engines of tractor trailers used for hauling innocents to slaughter and the lab, pulling the wild from the wilderness, and delivering the ingredients of every destructive endeavor sick, corporate, profit-driven minds can concoct. These trailers move the dozers that level the land and the ships that strip life from the ocean. If anything keeps me awake it is the incessant drone from giant poison-containing, toxin-spewing engines; the heart of the machine.

Engine oil can be contaminated by many things, and the other fluids they contain or run on do not mix well with others… kind of like old-guard EF!ers at a dub step show. Hell, I don’t even need to haul around bleach most nights. (Bleach destroys the viscosity of oil and does some fun, expensive shit, too).

Engine Oil:
Engine oil hates water, especially when mixed with antifreeze. Water, because it will not compress, breaks gears. Antifreeze may taste like candy, but it does horrible shit to your body— do not ingest! Engine oil also hates fuel, which thins it out and makes the engine wear out and break. If either water or fuel are found in oil then there must be a problem with the engine and it needs to be opened to check.
Cost to repair: Up to $15,000 for a semi; MUCH more for heavy equipment.

Transmission Fluid:
Hates antifreeze; it destroys the main components in the transmission and the glue that holds connections together.
Cost to repair: $5,000+ for trucks; HOLY SHIT for heavy equipment.

Hydraulic Fluid:
HATES water, antifreeze, and diesel exhaust fluid (DEF; more on that stuff later). Adding water will break shit internally; DEF clogs small control passages over time.
Cost to repair: $3,000 and up.

Diesel Exhaust Fluid (DEF):
Made of pig urine from the slaughterhouse, this stuff is supposed to help clean the exhaust on trucks. It’s on the tank near the fuel cap, and has a blue lid. It is nasty, and antifreeze thinks so too. This stuff will kill a radiator and clog up the tiny spaces inside an engine fast. Looks like water, and gallon jugs of the stuff can be found in open trucks on construction sites so use your imagination. Causes a lot more damage than rice or dry flake mashed potatoes in the radiator. Do not ingest or get DEF on you…. beyond the fact that it is very refined pig urine, it is poisonous.
Cost to repair: $2,000 to $6,000 for trucks; heavy equipment easily $5,000 to $?!!!!

As above, bad for oil, but also BAD in the diesel exhaust fluid tank. Modern exhaust systems are delicate, so contaminating the DEF tank with fuel will cause extensive damage to the system. Because of this, the newest exhaust sensors are designed to shut down the truck when diesel is found. To extract diesel from a machine, all one would need is a small suction hose, a siphon, and maybe a bottle to catch the fuel in.

SAFETY NOTE!!!! Don’t use your mouth for this!!! Besides leaving evidence, a lot of the chemicals and fluids in an engine will kill your ass.
Cost to repair: $1,000–$10,000 if internal component are damaged.

All this shit is probably a felony. You honestly should just take some drugs to help you sleep and wake up to a brighter warmer day thanks to climate change… although there are probably no prisons on a dead planet.

Have a happy and productive night,
Ned Ludd

Ned Ludd is a fictional character whose legendary acts of property destruction in the late 18th century inspired folklore that lives on to this day. It thus goes without saying that any advice given by this anarchistic criminal/hero is also fictional.

operator keys


This is the operator key for a caterpillar, every piece of caterpillar heavy equipment  built  after Carter was president uses this same key. The only thing that has changed about it is the top design.

Most heavy equipment will have an operator key that is unique to the manufacturer but the same for all models they produce. Some like John Deer and Case have 2 or more but the excavator key operates all their excavators, the bulldozer is for all their bulldozers ect. Often the operator key will also open all the locks on the equipment, this is especially true of caterpillar.

The operator key is purchased very easily at any dealership with cash usually they are 5 bucks or less. Get a few, they are good to have in case of zombies and such. Most of this equipment is used on farms, it is not uncommon for people to loose a key.

examples of the most common…



Air Filter fun from General Ludd

We received an obviously irresponsible submission from  our favorite  200 year old general.  submission like this  should never be tried in real life and are here for educational and entertainment only.  It is posted here only for use during a zombie apocalypse or robot revolt…

“Every engine requires clean air to breath just like you or me. Because Mother Nature hates machines as much as you and I do, she made sand and dirt so it will damage engines.  Pulling the air filter makes all kinds of fun expensive stuff  happen inside the engine that the people who made it think is bad. Pulling the filter is fast, it doesn’t really make any noise or draw attention like lighting the thing on fire, No nasty chemicals escape as the engine is destroyed, It doesn’t cause damage that will hurt someone, and nothing tells the machine or the operator the filter is missing. Expect to find 2 filters, one inside another on almost all heavy equipment.


The filters are inside a small trash can size drum of either metal or plastic. On most equipment the filter is near where the exhaust stack is located

The lid, about the size of a record, is usually held on with metal clips.    Use a knife, multi tool or stick to pop the clips open, sometimes they will pop open fast and break skin. ,

First stage ? Cyclone pre-cleaner A cyclone pre-cleaner separates the heavier particles which are automatically removed through an evacuator valve on the service cover. Second stage ? Main Filter The main filter is made of paper which can be easily cleaned, and has long replacement intervals. Third stage ? Safety filter If the main filter has been damaged and impurities can freely pass through it, the safety filter begins to function immediately to protect the engine. The safety filter effectively traps impurities

First stage ? Cyclone pre-cleaner A cyclone pre-cleaner separates the heavier particles which are automatically removed through an evacuator valve on the service cover.
Second stage ? Main Filter
The main filter is made of paper which can be easily cleaned, and has long replacement intervals.
Third stage ? Safety filter
If the main filter has been damaged and impurities can freely pass through it, the safety filter begins to function immediately to protect the engine. The safety filter effectively traps impurities

After you remove the filter there are a few options:

1. Take the filter and put the lid back on. Congratulations the machine will suck in dirt and sand and the engine will get “dusted” The warranty is void and the company is on the hook for a lot of repairs that will take at least a week to fix. If you get caught, Filters are under 500 bucks so it is probably a misdemeanor unless you hike with some monkey wrench shit on  Bad part, about this method, it takes a little bit and things are still getting destroyed
2. Take the filter and put pebbles down the hole you find.  Hurray the rocks broke the turbo and cost a lot of money the machine is down, you stopped it!!!!  You can put the filter back the rocks will do the work for you. Damage happens when the machine is started. Bad part turbos take a day or two to fix though, but they do cost a few thousand dollars, Insurance might cover the damage
3. Put water down the hole you left when the filter was removed, The pistons will fill with a few gallons of water and hopefully the engine gets a lot of damage. Machine will stop, it will not start again for a while. .. Don’t drink from jugs you use and you should be using gloves anyway.  If you don’t want to take the filter you can put it back the water will do the work.  Bad part, not everyone has access to a lot of water and it is way to heavy to hike in. Insurance might cover the damage if you are obvious.

Put the cover on, the big gaping hole is pretty obvious to most people operating machines. Don’t travel around with the filter, If you go for option one bury it or hide it in the bushes far away  It is against the rules to leave forensic evidence during night work.  Nothing I have written here has any real chance of hurting someone.

Don’t get caught,
General Ludd”

Enemy of the machine


Dinosaurs, as I was once fondly referred to by another, are among you. Lumbering at the edge of gatherings with a beer in our hand, keeping silent, letting new warriors stretch their wrenched wings. Many of us feel out of place, it was not that long ago that we where sitting where you are now. New, full of hope and rage, ready to fight the Juggernaut of industrial ecocide. Many of us look at our journey as though it was just a blink of an eye. Hell 10, 20,30 years on the frontlines, time moves fast. It is funny how an dea manifests itself and becomes a lifelong P Pursuit “this book is outdated, I think I’ll get a job at x and learn how to work on the new ones” So here we are, decades later, alot of fancy training by those that made the damn thing… We fix your shitty cars at gatherings, hopefully teaching you in the process how machines work. We are the sketchy old folks without many tattoos, the elder troglodytes that still hold onto hope and rage. We dream of some future when we can sit around the burned husk of the machine, listening to stories of how you found some a page, on something that used to be called the internet, and helped save us all. We will shut up and leave you with the ramblings of some old EF! Mechanic who likes to make pretty words about awful machines.

The power of Mr. Clean

In wild wood I caught a glimpse
of profane flame above the trees
I crested the ridge with wrench in hand
and a bottle of wicked treat
for the steady heart of this beast
would scream a song of death for me
Slowly under fence I crept
to the powers source
in shadows out of sight
i raise my bottle and poured
1 gallon of oil per 10 oz. of bleach.
As I slid under the fence
and crossed the stream
the death rattle did roar
A crescendo of of screams
a sweat music to my soul
It’s life at this site
dies in a hot glow of irreparable dread
the lights in silence fade.
Amazing how the viscosity of oil
by simple addition can be destroyed
and you can be
an enemy of the machine.

Dozer walk around, what an operator looks for.